


Carpet

by AshsHorrorShow



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Drabble, F/F, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, immature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-23 00:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15594144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshsHorrorShow/pseuds/AshsHorrorShow
Summary: Harley probably should've kept that one to herself.





	Carpet

Everywhere was noise. Police sirens were wailing and officers on megaphones were barking orders at the gathering crowd of journalists, pedestrians, and paparazzi to stay away. Cameras were clicking, people were chattering, and jeers were being thrown in Pamela’s direction. But the loudest noise of all was coming from Harley, who was handcuffed near her. Surprisingly enough, Batman and Robin, who usually disappeared before the media came, were standing around, discussing something with Commissioner Gordon that she couldn’t make out. Harley was deciding to take full advantage of their presence by shouting loud obscenities at them. 

While some of her words were quite vulgar and disgusting, it didn’t seem to bother the duo all that much. In fact, all Harley’s shouting was doing was hurting Pamela’s ears more. 

Sighing, Pamela tried her best to tune it all out, instead, deciding to ruminate on how things went so wrong. 

She’d thought the plan she formulated this time around was guaranteed to succeed. Of course, she thought that same thought _every time_ she hatched a new plan, but this one had been slightly different. After all, everything seemed to line up in her favor for once.

For one thing, it was spring, which was when her plants were at their most powerful and spry. Plus, given the fact that the new chemical formula she concocted was her most potent yet, she thought her pets were practically unstoppable. Mix them in with a few brainwashed henchmen/gunmen, Harley with her infamous mallet, and Harley’s vicious hyenas, Bud and Lou, she’d considered herself near invincible. She probably wouldn’t even have to face Batman and Robin this time around. They’d be fertilizer by the second line of enemies.

But just like always, somehow, some way, Batman and Robin had managed to pull through, despite all the odds. 

Pamela had never put much stock into the theory that the two of them were robots or aliens, figuring those to just be silly rumors concocted in the bowels of Arkham to help rationalize why XYZ lost. But nowadays, she was beginning to see more and more legitimacy in the claim. 

No mere flesh-bags could be that strong, right? And given how many demigods and aliens the Justice League had filling the ranks, the theory was becoming scarily more plausible.

Oh well, she’d have plenty of time to think about it in Arkham Asylum, a thought that made her scowl. Great. Now she’d have to formulate an escape plan for the fifty millionth time…

All of a sudden, she was snapped out of her thoughts when she saw Batman, Robin, and Commissioner Gordon walk over to her and Harley. Their expressions were stoic and stern as ever, but she swore, she could see a gloating glint in them, which made her narrow her eyes. Deciding to be petty, she lobbed spit at their feet. Not lady-like or dignified in the slightest, but hey, she couldn’t sink any lower tonight.

Trying not to take too much pleasure at seeing the men flinch (after all, her spit carried some chemical properties itself), she batted her eyelashes innocently and said, “I’m sorry about that, but you all pressed my face so hard into the floor that I will probably have carpet fibers stuck in my teeth for _days_. Hasn’t anyone ever taught you how to treat a lady?”

Before any of the three men could open their mouth to no doubt make a snappy comeback, Harley suddenly paused in her shouting and interjected, “Why are you complaining about eating carpet, Red? You should be used to it. After all, you eat mine all the time!” Harley then began cackling at her own joke, like it was the peak of comedy. 

Pamela was rarely stunned into silence, but that comment certainly did it. Her mouth hung open, and she could feel heat rise to her face. She could only hope the green hue of her skin and the dark of the night hid the fact that she was blushing.

The three men were also stunned. Robin looked as if he didn’t know whether or not to laugh or be uncomfortable. Jim Gordon was shaking his head in disgust at Harley’s crudeness. Pamela could imagine his own cheeks had a bit of color on them. Batman’s expression was barely changed, however, Pamela swore she could see an inkling of shock there. She felt her embarrassment skyrocket. 

And then,just like that, it turned to anger.

“HARLEY!” she felt a scream rip out of her throat. 

Harley immediately stopped crowing, her expression wide and scared, as if she knew she fucked up. Gulping audibly, she said, “Uh oh… you don’t look happy…”

Needless to say, Jim Gordon personally recommended that for their first few days back in Arkham, that the two women were separated. Just to insure a murder didn’t occur.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second fic I've written that centers around a dirty joke... the first one being a Free! fic. Shows how mature I am. 
> 
> Anyways, this is just a small idea I came up with and decided to write down when I had free time. I hope you enjoyed, and I also hope you have a great day.
> 
> As always, critique is wanted and if you see a mistake, feel free to point it out and I will fix immediately!


End file.
